May 2000
Wednesday May 31, 2000 - We went and seen the movie "Mission Impossible II" at the theater today. It was ok, I'm just not into that kind of action movie. When we got home Jeff checked the mail and we received this months issue of AVN Online Magazine and they had the Article about Amateur web cams and there was a section about my website on the second page with my pictures. Not at all what I expected.
Tuesday May 30, 2000 - My husband and I started a high protein diet today and it's all ready making me delirious. He wanted to try the adkins diet so I am doing it with him. We went to the gym this morning and worked our legs. I am and never have been a big fan of eating meat and protein is the only thing to eat that will let you keep your muscle as you loose fat. Fourteen days and then I'll be done with the strict part. I'm gonna loose ten pounds by the time I leave for vacation, I want to look fabulous in my bathing suit.:) Yesterday Jeff and I went to the Forum Shops in Ceasers palace and ate at the cheese cake factory. We are giving our selfs one cheat day a week and I can't wait till next monday! All I have to do is think, 'two weeks and I can start eating some carbs." I hope I don't go mad by then. Shit man I'm a pancake eater not a meat eater.
Friday May 26, 2000 - I am studying my Adobe Photoshop Studio Techniques book now. I ordered a wacom intuos 6x8 graphics tablet to help me do things with Photoshop better. I am glad I didn't have a show today. I felt like I didn't sleep at all last night and have been tired. I need to go back over the chapters I read today so I can understand some of the techniques better. Takes me a few times before I catch on with some of the more complex ones. Bookie got neutered yesterday and the poor guy don't have his little man things anymore. He will live a longer and healthier life without them. I know a few guys that should have gotten neutered before they hit puberty. Would have made them more productive in life if they didn't have the lower head thinking for the main head.
Wednesday May 24, 2000 - I'm so glad I have my mind and my life back on track. My year of misdirection is over. I know where I'm going and it's with my family in mind. I said all lot of things about the one person who is my only best friend because I was so confused. I'm sorry to him, I do love him very much. I don't know why I can write in here and tell you everything about me and how I feel. If someone who is close to me ask me about this diary I try to talk about something else. My Puppy Dog Bookie gets neutered tomorrow. I am worried that something will go wrong and he'll die or something. I all most don't want to take him in to be neutered because of that.
Tuesday May 23, 2000 - Another very hot day in Sin City, 108 degrees. I went to the gym today and worked my legs with Jeff and boy have I gotten out of shape. My Brother Mark called me right before we left and we talked about what we were both up to lately. When I got home I talked to the lady that cleans our house every so often then laid down for two hours. The leg workout wiped me out. My biceps and triceps are sore from working out yesterday and it hurts to move my arms. Teaches me for taking a long break from working out. I forgot how that felt. As the days pass bye I'm getting more and more excited about our vacation. I'll take lots of pictures.
Monday May 22, 2000 - It's soo hot out today, 102 degrees! It's going to be a hot summer. Jeff and I went to the gym today and worked our biceps and triceps. I talked to Iseees and she was getting her car fixed and so we'll be working out together tomorrow. I've been lazy, lazy, lazy. I need to get a good book to read. I wish studying were as fun to read as some of those fantasy books.:) I called my mom and talked to her for a minute. Donnie's Amanda was visiting with my mom so I ended it pretty quick. I wish I didn't get so tired so often. I think I sleep 12 hours or more out of the day. In a little over a month I'll be sitting on the beach watching the Dolphins diving in and out of the water as I sip on a Margarita.. Ahh, and scuba diving with them. What a great thought.
Sunday May 21, 2000 - I think I confused my puppy Nemo tonight. He started pooping on my concrete patio so tonight when I seen Nemo doing that I grabbed him and tossed him in the grass. He didn't poop again after that. I guess I'd be confused to if someone taught me to poop outside and then one day I went and pooped on something and they picked me up and tossed me. I am also more strict with nemo. I need to be firm with booth the pups. There is something about Nemo that brings out the temper in me. I control it but I don't like having that side. Bookie I don't have that feeling with. I've heard of psychology study's that have studied abusive people and how certain characteristics bring out that in some people. I'd never be abusive I just thought of how different one can be.. More people need to learn how to deal with their feelings and control them. I don't think most parents know how to teach their kids that skill, kids grow up wanting to lash out with Violence instead of dealing with how they feel in a more positive way.
Saturday May 20, 2000 - I just put my dinner in the oven. I made "French fry Casserole" from the cook book my mom left me. It won't be done for another hour. She did teach me how to cook quit a few things before her trip ended. I haven't been doing anything but moping around the house. I bought a safe yesterday so I can put all our important paper work and any money we have saved. I've downloaded all most 300 songs from www.Napster.com now. I have quit a collection. I start working out with Iseees on Monday afternoon. She called this morning. Besides that I have been trying to get back on track.. Bookie and Nemo had a good time traveling to Arizona with us. I think they like the traveling.
Friday May 19, 2000 - My mom went back to Kentucky on a flight that left at 6:40am this morning. The wake is Saturday and the funeral is on Sunday. I miss my family so much. I have been thinking of taking the return ticket she has left and using it to go home myself. Then again I'd be gone for another week or two and that wouldn't help my income any. I decided I'm going to visit her in October for her birthday. My sister lives in the Same area she does so at least my mom has family there. This was the first time in three years Me, My Brother and Mom have been together all at once. At least she had a good time while she was here.
Thursday May 18, 2000 - I am back from visiting my brother in Arizona today. My mom will be leaving tomorrow. We went to visit my brother on Tuesday this week and Last night (Wednesday) me, my husband, brother and sister in law were at a bar having drinks when a police officer walked in and asked to speak to my brother. My sister didn't know my brothers phone number and called the local police where he lives. My mom was back at the hotel we were staying at. Donnie, The man she has been with for the past 7 or so years and has been taking care of, died unexpeciatedly. They lived together and loved each other very much. I bought her a return ticket for tomorrow. He died yesterday evening while he was sleeping in their bed back in Kentucky (heart attack). I do wish I could go to the funeral and be with my mom. My Father died 8 years ago and my mom don't think she has anything to live for since her children are moved away and now Donnie is gone. I just want to go home and see my family, I can't afford it right now since we have spent a lot of money this past month... I'll try to go out and visit in Oct for her birthday. My brother wanted to go to but we both are low on money. We were thinking of getting in the car and driving there.. Not a good idea since the funeral would be over by the time we arrived. I sure am missing my family and it's worse since I can't be at the funeral. My brother lives in poverty and I don't like seeing that. Reminds me where I use to be and where I don't like seeing anyone else. I wish I could pull him out of that life and give him a new one. I really love him and my mom. I love everyone in my family but we three are the one's that made it through a lot of tough times together.
Monday May 15, 2000 - I got Tonetone's Tape in my P.O. Box the other day and it's great. I will be able to put on some great dance shows with it.:) Thank You tonetone.. I also got a package from Copter and it had some usefull things in it. Like a Sports Water bottle that I need for my bike. I loved everything Copter... Thank You Copter.. I've been visiting with my mom. I am ready to get back to the gym and start working out hard again. I think I've had a long enough break now. I'm going to Start working out and doing shows again on the 25th. I really miss some of you guys and gals.. I've been eating a lot since my mom has been here and is teaching me how to cook. I can cook pretty good. We went to Harrah's Comedy club Saturday night and had a good time. My mom gambled the rest of her quarters and didn't win anything. We never do anyway. That's why I don't gamble that much. If your gonna get lucky you might as well get lucking on 20 bucks and then quit.
Saturday May 13, 2000 - I am not going to do a show when my mom is here visiting for sure. So I canceled my scheduled shows and will take a short vacation while she is here. Just to weird if she is in the same house while I do a show. I would much rather visit with her and take her out to shows anyway. She has never been to Vegas and anyone who comes needs to see a show or two. Yesterday we went to The Mirage and seen the Dolphins. I was soo tired when we got home last night. I can't believe how tired I get so quickly. I think I went to bed at nine.. We are going to take her out to Hover damn today and a comedy club tonight.
Thursday May 11, 2000 - My Mom got here Tuesday morning and I have been busy visiting with her and just doing things with her and Jeff. We took her to Texas Station Last night and played slot machines for over an hour. None of us won anything and Jeff and I spent more then we had wanted.. We ate at the Luxor yesterday afternoon for lunch. I'm so glad to see her. I feel more peaceful seeing her for some reason.
Monday May 08, 2000 - I just got done getting ready for my show and I just don't feel good with myself right now. I should be doing more productive things with my time and all I do is bullshit around the house and think of things that I'm not doing but should be (like studying).. If I don't get on the ball with myself I'll never learn anything knew and just stay stagnant. I am actually worried about what future is held for me. You never know what is going to happen. I don't want to be stuck having to go back to dancing if something would ever happen. I feel like chatting on the audio all the time and talking to everyone.. I should be studying my advanced adobe book so I can learn better and more complex things. Life is complicated and unpredictable and I think that suxs.. Unless the unpredictable is good. When I lived in Wichita I was so much more focused and actually had an agenda I followed. Now I just am not focused and get distracted to much. My mom will be here first thing tomorrow morning and I am so excited to finally have her come visit. It's been a little over two years since I've seen her.. I will be doing a couple shows a week while she is here. I have them posted on the schedule all ready. She will be here for two weeks (if she don't decided to stay because she just can't leave Las Vegas).:)
Friday May 4, 2000 - Bookie is getting so big! I took this picture of him today. Big Bookie Dog
Thursday May 4, 2000 - I went to the hospital this morning and I have a major ear infection. They gave me some antibiotics and some ear drops to help. Yesterday I called Ariel and talked to her. She still lives in Finland, she and her husband might be moving to the Dominica Republic in November. I think that's where she said. I also got a phone call from Iseees (someone I knew back in Wichita, KS) and she moved here to Vegas a month ago. I am glad to have someone here I know and can do things with. I will call her this afternoon. We use to workout together and dance at the same club, since she is living here we are going to start working out together again. My ear infection is putting a damper on my newly revived workout routine. My mom will be here on Tuesday so I will make up for my missed shows (from Ear infection) on Friday and Saturday evening. I won't be doing shows while my mom is here but I will be on to talk on the audio in the evenings.. I'm very excited about my mom coming to see me. We will be going to phoenix to visit my brother while she is here.
Wednesday May 3, 2000 - I got this poem in my E-Mail the other day and it touched me so I thought I'd post it. I'm so pissed at this moment! I just looked at the end of this diary and it deleted the first two months of entry's! I am assuming now since it's did it 3 times that it automatically does it after it gets so long. I am going to start separating by months.. All my entry's are gone and I'm fucking pissed!
"If I Knew" If I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
call you back for one more.If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say "I love you," instead
of assuming you would KNOW I do.If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything right.There will always be another day
to say our "I love yours",
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can dos?"But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget,Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight..So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.So hold your loved ones close today,
whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear,Take time to say "I'm sorry," "please forgive me,"
"thank you" or "it's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.Author Unknown
Tuesday May 2, 2000 - The landscaping for the yard is done except one small part that just needs more grass. I called the vet today and he ran all the test on gizmo he could and there isn't anything physically wrong with him. He said it was most likely a mental problem and so for the sake of life I am going to give Gizmo a chance and put him on some kind of animal Mental drug and see if that will cure the piss problem. I had to laugh after I hung up the phone with him. I told my husband, " We have a Medicated cat.. Shit, I plan to be a good mom if I ever have kids but the way it's looking we are going to have dysfunctional kids. I can't even have normal animals! How the hell can I have normal kids if I can't even raise a cat that can function mentally?" All though my puppy's are doing better and better each day with potty training. I am very happy about that. They are the sweetest little guys. I'm more of a dog person then a cat person I've found out since I've had them. I like the French Bulldog, they are so wonderful. I am catching on to training them pretty well to. As everything in life it takes time. Seems like the minute you think there is no use they start doing what you have been trying to teach. I hope I'm not coming down with an ear infection from diving. I have an ear ach tonight and it's making me feel miserable. I was fine until late tonight. Thank goodness my house is all cleaned up.
Monday May 1, 2000 - I'm certified in Scuba Diving and will get my perment card in a few weeks. The landscaping guys got here at 8am this morning and are landscaping my back yard. I am having some grass and Mexican fan palm trees put in the yard also, along with three rose bushes along the wall. We started working out again today and went to the gym and did Legs.. I sure can tell I haven't been working out. I am doing about half as much as I was doing when I stopped. We are going to work out every morning like we did before. I ran into Charlie as we were going inside the gym. She was right in front of us and as she turned I new it was her and I said hi. She said she had to leave town a few weeks ago and said she could do another show this week if I wanted, I said I'd give her a call. My mom will be here next Tuesday and I have a lot of cleaning to do before she gets here. Jeff and I might be doing an advanced diving course in June but might just do it when we get to the islands. We really need to tighten down on the budget now but I've said that before. I have saved a little but not enough for retirement, lol (laughing out loud)... I wish. The lady who bought Gizmo brought him back to me. He was pissing on her stuff to. I took him into the Vet today to see if there is any medical illness that might be causing him to be doing that. If not I might have to put him down. It's getting to expensive to keep him (bought new couches, mattress and bed. I don't want him confined to one room for the rest of his life. No one wants a cat that pisses and ruins all their nice furniture. I'm going to be sad if there is nothing wrong and I have to put him to sleep. I can't afford to keep a cat like that though. I can't save money either! If he's not pissing or shiting on my bed he's doing it in other places and I just got my new house with new carpet and new furniture! So I'm going to have to.. I feel rotten but I have to. I've had him confined to the down stairs bedroom since she brought him back yesterday. The mattress store delivered my new mattress and day bed on Saturday and I am not going to have those ruined by Gizmo. This has been going on for a few years and I am up to my head with trying to help him. There is a point in life where the cat needs to quit.. If I knew I could let him go and he'd survive I'd just let him go but he's domesticated and he wouldn't have a chance. No one wants him either.