June 2000

Wednesday June 28, 2000 - I made a decision today and my husband is going to train me for it. I'm entering the Ms. Galaxy next spring and I'm starting to train hard again now for it. I've started a diet and have stuck to it and I am on track again for real this time. My head is with the competition and so is my body. I'm not in limbo with my body any more, I am going to at least place in the top ten (I think I will).. If I try hard enough I've got a good chance anyway.

Tuesday June 27, 2000 - I read My Romance Novel for the most part of Yesterday Evening. I did go down to the salon and got myself a nice relaxing facial. I don't know why I feel so bad when I go out and do things like that. When I was a kid we always were tight on money and didn't have much to go around and so I think it's from feeling as though I'm spending money and really should just put it back.. We are going down to Lowes today to get some rock for our yard and also a tree that I have been wanting to plant.

Monday June 26, 2000- Happy Birth Day to me, happy Birth Day to me, happy happy Birth Day to meeeeeee!:) We celebrated my birthday yesterday and went to the cheese cake factory but I didn't turn 26 till today. I'm not 25 anymore, I feel no different and I didn't have any extra lines when I got up this morning so it's all right.

Saturday June 24, 2000 - I hate cleaning house... Jeff and I went out to Lake Mead Yesterday afternoon and went Scuba Diving in our new Gear. It works so much better then the rental crap (of course).. We had a blast. It was the first time we've been scuba diving alone and it was a great refresher to test our skills again. I got a Birthday card from my mom today. I love her so much.:) Monday is my birthday and Jeff is going to take me out to eat at the cheesecake factory but I might decide not to since I haven't lost any weight lately..:) I love being Jeff's wife. He is the best man I could have ever meet in my entire life. I appreciate him so much. I wish I could have been smarter at times in our Marriage. He is the strong and stable beam that I hold on to and he always seems to be there when I need him. He don't ever try to degrade me and try to make anyone feel like it's a "womens job" to do this or that. We work together on everything and that's the way it should be. That is what I call a real man. I am so glad that he loves me. I don't know what or where I'd be without him. Some people don't know the real meaning of marriage anymore and everyone tries to get over on someone else. I sure would hate to be single.

Thursday June 22, 2000 - I had an appointment this evening and it turned out good. Earlier today Jeff and I went shopping and I got a couple tee shirts and a pair of sweat shorts. I didn't spent hardly anything thank goodness. Right after that we went and bought a BCD and Regulator with first stage and octopus with it. Jeff and I both bought our own so you can guess how much money we spent. I don't even want to think about it.:) That was my Birthday present and I am very happy about getting my own gear. My Birthday is not till Monday but this was a good time to get the Gear since it was on sale. I need to clean my house but I haven't been in the house cleaning mood. I don't think anyone really ever is are they..?:)

Tuesday June 20, 2000 - Jeff and I made our diving reservations for our Vacation today. Since you don't know the days we are going I guess I will tell you where we are staying.:) We are going to the Turks & Caicos Islands and are staying at the Grace Bay Club. It's one of the most Luxurious Hidden Hideaways of the Caribbean. I'll make sure to take lots of pictures. We are taking a small plane to the Bahamas and going horse back riding while we are there also (hopefully). I think this will be our best Vacation ever. I might take some Golf lessons in the evening while I'm there. I'd like to know how to play at least. I wish I'd have payed more attention in school sometimes. We learned how to play gulf in gym class one day but I don't think I payed that much attention.

Monday June 19, 2000 - I just did my show tonight and I embarrassed myself I believe. Sometime I start to act like a total idiot on camera. If I would actually look in at myself, I'd probably think what a total idiot and how immature this girl is/was. Then again why should I care and then I think I don't want everyone to think that and stop coming to see my shows. I'd really be bored. I have to admit that the end of this month is my third year on Cam and I do get bored at times doing shows. I do think I need to spice them up a little. I am looking into buying a video mirage thingy like the weather man on TV uses. It will have different video images the make me look like I'm in the desert or in an Egyptian castle and so forth. That will spice it up some and I'll get together some outfits for the different themes. I could even have a Naked Weather Girl show. That would be fun. I will see about getting it this week.

Saturday June 17, 2000 - My lord, sometimes I think I'm going to quit writing in this diary. Do I really write like I'm sad or something? I'm not...... Maybe it's just a girl thing I don't know. Someone wrote me and said they thought I was unhappy and they didn't want to see it anymore. I'm Far from being sad. I'm very happy.. Ok then, I will not write another sad thing in here. It will be HAPPY HOUR! Shit, this thing let me write like I wanted but now I know that I can sadden and even offend people so I'll try to act like miss bubbly blond bimbo from Cali and brighten all of our days and nights.:) I am happy.. I really didn't think I wrote negative but I guess it's how it's written and how people take it. If you noticed when I write negatively I do put a happy face indicating I'm joking around. Gosh, that got my blood boiling for some reason.

Thursday June 15, 2000 - It's a very HOT day today. It's 110 degrees in the shade, feels like your baking when the sun hits you here. I think it's hitting around 120 degrees in the sun. I'm a lazy ass and have no life lately.:) I don't want to bore you with my daily routine which involves a lot of sleep. I did go to the Q Fitness Club and got a deep tissue massage today. I feel better, my neck and back don't hurt like they have been. I've been real tense. I need to get one of those every week. I don't know if I've been sleeping because I'm tired or sleeping because it's to Hot outside to do anything. Any which way it isn't helping. If they start to have rolling electricity here like they are in San Francisco then there are going to be a lot of deaths. It's to hot to keep the AC off for even ten minutes out here in the desert where your going to bake. Shit my dogs try to shit and piss as fast as they can so they can come back in. If someone sat and watched I bet that shit would start to sizzle when it hit the ground but I won't go there.:) Ok, I know some of you don't like my humor but at least I have a sense of humor. My goodness, I just went for a walk tonight at 11pm and it's still 100 Degrees out!!!!!!! I need to take a water hose with me next time. When the wind blew it was like opening your oven door and having the heat come out!! geezzzz! Days and nights like this it just to Hot for words.. I'm still counting down. Eleven more days till the numbers of my age go up another year.

Tuesday June 13, 2000 - I think I watched one of the best and saddest movies I've ever watched tonight. If any of you haven't seen it then go rent it. It's called "The Green Mile". I don't think I've ever cried that much for one movie in my entire life. I'm very depressed now. Thank God I didn't go see it when it was out at the Theatre. I sure do hate walking out of a Theatre full of people balling my eyes out. This Poem is very touching. So I'll pass it on to you all.

When the door of happiness closes, another
opens, but often times we look so long at the
closed door that we don't see the one which
has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit
on a porch and swing with, never say a word,
and then walk away feeling like it was the best
conversation you've ever had

It's true that we don't know what we've got
until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't
know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance
that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in
return; just wait for it to grow in their heart
but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone, and a day to love
someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it
takes only a smile to make a dark day seem
bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from
your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you
want to go; be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one
chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you
sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough
sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to
make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes.
If you feel that it hurts you,
it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that
comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry,
those who hurt, those who have searched,
and those who have tried, for only they can
appreciate the importance of people who have
touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss
and ends with a tear.
The brightest future will always be based
on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life
until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and
everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one who is smiling and
everyone around you is crying.

Please send this message to those people who
mean something to you, to those who have touched
your life in one way or another, to those who make
you smile when you really need it, to those
that make you see the brighter side of things when
you are really down, to those who you want to let
them know that you appreciate their friendship.
And if you don't, don't worry, nothing bad will
happen to you, you will just miss out on the
opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message

Sunday June 11, 2000 - My Girlfriend Julie sent me this Poem and I thought it reflected what I've learned in the past years.:)

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that if at first you don't succeed, check to see if the loser gets anything.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge breasts.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

I've learned to say "F*ck'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages. Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me, they'll appreciate it. Maybe something good will happen. And if not...tough shit.

Friday June 09, 2000 - I was talking with the nurse who was here yesterday and she asked if I always had cold hands and I told her yea. My feet are always cold to, "that's why I always wear socks". I had no idea that was caused by low blood pressure. She took my blood pressure and she was right. She has cold hands and feet to and has the same problem. She also stated that I had nothing to worry about but if my arm/hands ever start to go numb or fall asleep and I'm tired a lot that I need to get check out. Shit I guess if I were gonna die from it that I would have by now since my arms started falling asleep months ago and I am all ready tired all the time. I didn't mention it to her though. Don't want them to raise my insurance rates just because of that. I will go see my doctor next week just to get it checked out, to be on the safe side. I went and saw the movie, "Gone in 60 seconds" today and I enjoyed it very much. I liked all the actors in it. I bought bookie and Nemo some food the other day and I received my first shipment of that. I have been doing a lot of research on what they put in pet food and am very alarmed. I found some health pet food on the net and it would be something even us humans could eat. I will not buy any more pet food with out reading the label and making sure there isn't any of that crap they put in most of the pet foods.. The stuff I'm buying now is called Flint River Pet Food and is a lot healthier for them. I won't get into details about it but do you know what "byproduct" is? Basically is anything that isn't suitable for human consumption.. Example: Feathers, duck feet, chicken feet, bills, heads.. Fuck that. Ok, I'll stop since I'm starting to ramble. If you love your pets and want them to live a long and very health life you might want to find a better food them 95% of what is out there. Read this if you want to know more: Food Not Fit For a Pet. I've been doing research because Bookie has digestive problems and I was trying to find a dog food that would be gentle on his stomach, that is how I found the information on Commercial dog foods and what they are putting in them. After I feed him this for awhile I hope his stomach problems start to subside. I am also giving him some veggies and good old fashion meaty meals from what I make for me and Jeff now to. I want these guys to live healthy and not die before their time. Hey don't forget to Vote for Nemo and Bookie, in the cutest pet contest.. Just click on their names to go vote, please, please, please...Thank you if you do!

Thursday June 08, 2000 - I drank a whole bottle of Asti last night and boy was I fucked up. Girl Pearl drank during my show with me.:) I just remembered at the end of this month will be my Third Year on-line with my website. I will also a year older in about 18 more days. The countdown is on, I will not have another mid-life crises on my Birthday.:) Like fine wine I will get better with age. The nurse will be here in an hour to do our blood work and everything that goes along with getting life insurance.

Tuesday June 06, 2000 - I took the pups to the pet store with me today and they always have an adventure when they go. They love the attention they get. I am so emotional sometimes. I almost cry passing a store sometimes. I see a sad commercial on TV and I do cry. I'll be sitting there with my lip quivering and tears rolling down my face for a freaking commercial. I think how silly I am sometimes. What is the meaning of the damn commercial if your sitting there crying! I can't even recall what the commercial was about now. All I remember is me crying! I get these emotional streaks and my voice start to crumble as I try to hold back the emotion, we can be talking about ..... about.. anything and I'll start to want to cry.. I do not cry half the time, I hold it back.

Monday June 05, 2000- I was looking at Avn Online's website and seen they have the article with the story they did on Web Cams up. The Magazine Article has pictures but the online one don't. The tiny section they did on my site is toward the bottom of the article. Go here to view the article ->AVN Online

Sunday June 04, 2000 - I've been studying my Adobe Photoshop studio techniques book every night now. I figured I'd do a half chapter a day so I can get all the shortcuts and stuff down. I got my Wacom graphics tablet in the mail on Saturday and it's great. I went jogging last night and am getting into shape. At least I'm not dying going up the damn hill. We also went and saw the movie "Big MaMa's House" Saturday and it was pretty funny. It could have been better. I entered bookie and Nemo in the pet contest now. I felt guilty for just entering Bookie so I had to enter Nemo. If you guys and gals could, would you vote for them once a week? Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please.... Nemo's page is here ->Nemo's Page! I had to make a new link for bookie because the last page didn't read any of the votes so you can vote again for bookie because it wasn't working. Vote for Bookie. Sorry for the fuck up but... I had a surprise yesterday and got an email from someone who knew me when I was 16 and on the Power lifting team. He seen my website and I am assuming saw my teenage awards and new clips and recognized me. I couldn't recognize jack from 9 years ago. I've changed a lot since I was a teeny bopper.

Friday June 02, 2000 - I entered my Puppy dog Bookie in a cutest pet contest and want him to win. If you guys think Bookie is a cute little guy would you vote for him.. Please, Please, Please, Please.. I'm begging you. I never win anything, hopefully bookie will.